I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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