New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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