I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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