shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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