my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
