My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
