hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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