I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
