I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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