Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
