a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
