Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
