It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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