So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
