Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
