well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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