She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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