I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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