some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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