I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
