my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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