I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A bitchslap is in order.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
