also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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