Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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