If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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