census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
