im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
