I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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