I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
