i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
