I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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