I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
