he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
