how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
