yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
well you can't waste a boner
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
