C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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