I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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