Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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