Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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