A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
