I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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