he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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