The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
