You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
