I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hippo gnu deer
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
