I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
