How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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