I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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