4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
