Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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