you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
