I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
