the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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