Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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