We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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