1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
